Following my conversation with the attorney, I felt pretty confident to take the stand. She was quite relieved to know I had experience from my previous profession to testify for the case. Honestly, at this point I feel like an athlete that has “hyped” themselves up for a big game.

I hope Pam knows that by following through with the TPR trial, she knows that she will not be hearing what she wants to hear from each witness. Parents forget that the job of the state is to prove why they want to terminate their rights, so you can only imagine how it would feel to hear each person talk on the stand in regards to that angle. Hearing about your shortcomings and why your children shouldn’t be… why does my heart always have to interfere with my feelings. ugh.

Rachel called, it was a Friday morning. She informed me that Pam was being visited by her attorney and had already met with her criminal case lawyer. There are rumors that she may “sign”. This lingo is used whenever a parent decides to sign surrenders. This means the parent voluntarily gives up their rights to their children. Once these papers are signed, the trial would be canceled and process of adoption would immediately begin.

As always, my heart goes down to my stomach. I told Rachel to keep me posted, but I am more than confident she would.

Later that morning, I decided to check my personal email. I like to keep it as cleaned out as possible, I’m sure I’m not alone in the junk email overload. I noticed one was from AJ (my attorney). So I open it. It said “mom signed the surrenders. Trial will not take place tomorrow.”

I think I read those two sentences at least 8 times to make sure I comprehended it. She signed?! She voluntarily signed her rights away?! Now the girls really will be mine forever?! I immediately called AJ on the phone. Again, not believing what I was seeing. She chuckled and confirmed my eyes didn’t trick me. “Congratulations Valerie, you will have two daughters very soon! I do have a questions for you though. Pam would like to see Abby one last time (again no mention of Chloe). Since she signed surrenders this will be totally up to you. The visit would have to take place as a visitation in the jail.” I thought for about 3 seconds, that child is NOT going to a jail at the age of 3. “No, I am not putting her through that. I want her to remember her mom by the last time she saw her in visitation. If she ever gets her life together and is stable. We can then discuss whether or not she can see the kids”. Pam was being sentenced to several years in prison.. the final sentencing hadn’t taken place as of yet. AJ replied “Ok, done. I’ll call you soon ma’am”.

Trembling with so many emotions, of course I call my mom (Nina) first. She was at school. I told her the news, she immediately starts to cry. We are all so relieved that the girls can be ours forever. I continue making calls to our family and my closest friends. I have so many who supported me through this journey… which isn’t over yet!