Miss Mary talked with us, shared a few tid bits of what she felt would be helpful for us in our first full week. The most impactful information we learned was: “A child who has experienced trauma will need to be treated and reacted to as though they are half their age.” This makes so much sense! When they have a meltdown, they mimic a child who is half their age. When we respond, they only understand what a child would… half their age. So… Abby would be 4.5 and her sister would be 3. Makes so much sense! How have I worked in the field and never grasped that? This is an example of application vs education. You can learn everything in the book, but applying what you learn is a whole different level.

She also suggested a book for us to read “The Body Keeps Score”. It’s a book, highly recommended, for those who want to better understand the effects of trauma on a child in care (or anyone for that matter). Miss Mary felt it would be a useful resource for us. (I’ll include the link to the book at the end of this entry).

Our time with Miss Mary was quite extensive. We went over reward systems, methodical ways to discipline, and how to react to her behaviors we see on a daily basis. The emphasis on today’s discussion was her lack of comprehending routines and forgetfulness. We were encouraged to construct a schedule and post it in the house. This would be a schedule she could follow every day, anticipate each step, and take any guessing out of the game. We were also encouraged to make her think things out. For example: When she does something wrong, instead of just punishing her… ask her what she think she did wrong and what can she do to fix it in the future. Then do the time for the crime. This will be the beginning of training her brain. We have noticed that her coping mechanism is freezing. You’ll hear the phrase “Fight, flight, or freeze” when you’re in any form of trauma focused training. Abby is definitely in the “Freeze” category.

When we talk with her, not matter the tone of voice.. she freezes. Its almost like she’s so afraid she is going to be hurt or beaten she just zones out. Her face becomes emotionless and she stares right through you. It’s quite frustrating as a parent. She doesn’t recall any of the conversation and just repeats what she did wrong, sometimes just minutes after getting onto her. When she watches TV it’s the worst. She almost becomes one with the screen and cannot function otherwise. We can’t even eat a meal while watching a movie because her food/drink will end up all over her or the floor. It’s quite odd, and sad at the same time. Knowing the history of domestic violence in the home, it explains why she shuts down. I hate that for her… let’s hope this counseling really makes a difference!

Here’s the link for “The Body Keeps Score”(On Amazon)-there’s a workbook as well: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=body+keeps+score&qid=1600046944&s=books&sr=1-1